Seven Deadly Sins

THIS HALLOWEEN WE DELVED INTO OUR DARK SIDES AND TREATED OURSELVES TO THE VERY BEST OF WHAT MAKES BEING BAD FEEL SO GOOD.

Lust

Ah, the things we do for love... Would you slurp back aphrodisiac oysters? Send your beloved a dozen roses? These desirous deeds hardly seem sinful, but things can get dark pretty quickly. After all, Hades kept his captive bride, Persephone, in the Underworld with the seeds of a pomegranate, Romeo and Juliet met their bitter ends with poison and dagger point, and Elaine the Love Witch accidentally seduced all her lovers to death. If you plan on getting lusty & lucky this Halloween, we suggest you proceed with caution.

Wrath

When it comes to wrath, who better to look towards than the sorceresses of the past? Circe, Madea, Eris, Vajrayoginī, Agnes Waterhouse, and the vǫlur all serve as inspiration for our vengeful spread. With candles, incense, and figurines, we’re creating our own altar on which to hex ex-lovers, political figures, and local assholes. The witching hour approaches...

Gluttony

Decadent and delightful, gluttony is a sin we can really get behind. Flaky pastries, savory meats, syrupy sauces, creamy quiches, and stiff drinks are music to our indulgent ears. This sin shouldn’t be too hard to channel on a day filled with tricks and treats, but if you find yourself struggling, head to the nearest convenience store and go in on a fun-size variety pack. Just make sure you have your antacid of choice on hand.

Sloth

The morning after sin. Sleep in, snuggle up, stay cozy, maybe get a little stoned. A lazy sin warrants a lazy response… need we say more?

Pride

This is the sin of magic mirrors and pricked fingers and poison apples. Everyone’s so into self love these days; why wasn’t it cool when Maleficent did it? As you powder your nose and line your lashes this Halloween, indulge yourself in this sin fit for a queen.

Greed

Gimme gimme gimme. Whether on Wall Street or at WalMart, you can rest assured this sin is alive and well. By all means, get greedy over the covers or the last slice, but when it comes to the big stuff, this sin is probably best left to corporate-level assholes. If you really wanna stick it to the Man, pick your favorite charity and make real use of your designated latte money by sending it their way instead.

Envy

We can all agree, green is a fabulous color. While it may look excellent on you, envy doesn’t suit you quite as well. If ever you find yourself turning viridian while scrolling through the ‘gram, take heed: Be the source, not the scowler. Go rock your Halloween look, give everyone else FOMO for days, and pay it no mind.